Individuality in Marriage

“Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other but enough different that we would need to unite our strengths and stewardship's to create a whole. Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other. Thus, no marriage … is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives … work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other’s strengths.” -Sheri Dew

Many times people think that when they are in love and eventually get married that all their problems will be gone. But why would this be the case? We have problems as individuals, and we are still individuals even in marriage. As Sheri Dew states, we are capable of loving and growing together with our spouses because that is how our Father in Heaven created us to be, but we are not perfect as individuals, so we can not expect to be perfect in marriage. 

It is critical that when we get married we really know the individual. People are usually really similar and are capable of loving different types of people, but people have so many differences that they try to look past them in the excitement of having a relationship? But why does this hinder our future happiness in marriage? If we do not take the time get to know a person fully, including their habits, temperament, work ethic, and essentially what makes them tick. If we only stay surface level before getting married the relationship will be harder in the long run because we did not really "know" who we were getting married to. Marriage is so important, therefore it is essential that we find someone who we trust and accept, so they can know everything about us, and we can know everything about them, in order to make a long lasting, happy marriage.

Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce is a touchy subject especially in the LDS community. So many couples are worried that they will not find the right person, and they will do anything to avoid divorce. Divorce can be avoided if couples decide to communicate and serve each other instead of trying to always be right, or trying to live separate lives while being married, Communication is key, but so is effective problem solving.

However, I think people should not be of divorce. Divorce is not a good thing, and I am not advocating it, but I think divorce sometimes can be the best option for a couple. The most important thing is to make sure your children are happy, but also both parents should be happy as well. Couples should not just stay together for the status or for their children. Children need to be in happy environments that uplift them, and parents can even learn how to work together and parent and give a good life to their children even if they are divorced.

Parenting

When a couple starts to have children, they need to start thinking of how they are going to parent their children. Husbands and wives usually come from different backgrounds and were raised very differently, so the couple needs to discuss the differences that they had, what worked well from their up-bringing, and what did not work well.

Couples often like to compare how they were raised and like to think they way they want to parent is the correct way. However, this does not work because if both spouses do not agree on how to raise their kids then there will be a lot of contention due to these differences. A couple can hope to help their child succeed if they do not agree in how to discipline, reward, and punish their children. Everything in parenting needs to be in sync, so one parent is not looked as the fun parent and one is looked as the mean one. Parenting is essential to the well-being of the child, but both parents need to work together. 

Importance of Fathers

Fathers are an important part of many of our lives. Fathers are the ones who teach us how to play ball, gain confidence, do well in school, and how to be self sufficient. Mothers primary roles are to nurture and support their kids, where fathers roles are to provide and protect their kids during their lives. My life would be totally different if I did not have a father who taught me how to become a man, and how to make good decisions that will benefit me in my life.

Research shows that children tend to have a better quality of life when their father is involved in their lives. There is less misuse of substances, less physical and verbal abuse, and there is less teen pregnancies when teens have an active relationship with their father. Kids who have good relationships with their fathers tend to receive better grades, become more involved in school and the community, and set more long term goals that they will most likely accomplish.

Kids who do not have a good relationship tend to struggle more with depression, anxiety, and self image. Fathers are important to kids learning how to become responsible adults, but also how to feel good about themselves a teach them important life lessons.

Communication is Key

Everyone has heard that in order for a relationship to be successful, the couple or family needs to communicate. If we do not communicate, then we can not hope to understand what each other's feelings are. One thing that I learned in class is that woman and men communicate very differently.

Men like verbal communication where woman say exactly what they mean. Women, however, like to guess and try and read body language and other ques. The key to communications is to understand body language and verbal ques, as well as telling your spouse or children what is wrong. You have to find a balance as well as understanding how the other person communicates their feelings.

Crisis

cri·sis

ˈkrīsis/

noun

1. a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger.

   "the current economic crisis"

   synonyms:

   emergency, disaster, catastrophe, calamity; More

   • a time when a difficult or important decision must be made.

     "a crisis point of history"

     synonyms:

     critical point, turning point, crossroads, watershed, head, moment of truth, zero hour, point of no return, Rubicon, doomsday; More

   • the turning point of a disease when an important change takes place, indicating either recovery or death.

   
   

Learning how to deal with crisis while in a family is very critical. There are so many times that with our spouses, or children, or extended family that we will need to rely upon the support one another. It is also important to learn certain boundaries between each other because one can not cope, or learn, or solve the problem if we are in their faces, or if we are not present. So it is important that we maintain a balance of helpfulness and a sense of individuality. Crisis will always come up, some bigger than others, and some scary or some that are just a little stressful, but it is important that we learn from these experiences, and try to prepare for the the unexpected, and deal with situations as they come up.

Let's Talk About Sex

Sex is one of the most common, most controversial in today's world. People in today's world either think sex is no big deal and is just some causal fun, or sex is to be waited until marriage and rarely discussed. I do believe sexual intimacy is a sacred, private topic, but at the same time so many LDS church members are unable to talk about it in a mature, adult manner because they find it awkward. Or on the other hand most people have no boundaries and share way to much personal details they shouldn't.

But what is the correct balance?

I think sex is something we need to teach younger members of the church is not something ti be embarrassed or ashamed about, but also is a personal,and sacred aspect of our life. I think it is important to teach preteens and teenagers the aspects of sex, but not in a raunchy or disrespectful way. But I think it is important to actually talk to our children about the subject and our views about it no matter how awkward it is, before they hear everything about sex from their friends, so they know how to handle certain situations regarding the subject. So pretty much all I'm saying is we need to be informative, but also treat the subject with respect.