Divorce is a touchy subject especially in the LDS community. So many couples are worried that they will not find the right person, and they will do anything to avoid divorce. Divorce can be avoided if couples decide to communicate and serve each other instead of trying to always be right, or trying to live separate lives while being married, Communication is key, but so is effective problem solving.
However, I think people should not be of divorce. Divorce is not a good thing, and I am not advocating it, but I think divorce sometimes can be the best option for a couple. The most important thing is to make sure your children are happy, but also both parents should be happy as well. Couples should not just stay together for the status or for their children. Children need to be in happy environments that uplift them, and parents can even learn how to work together and parent and give a good life to their children even if they are divorced.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Parenting
When a couple starts to have children, they need to start thinking of how they are going to parent their children. Husbands and wives usually come from different backgrounds and were raised very differently, so the couple needs to discuss the differences that they had, what worked well from their up-bringing, and what did not work well.
Couples often like to compare how they were raised and like to think they way they want to parent is the correct way. However, this does not work because if both spouses do not agree on how to raise their kids then there will be a lot of contention due to these differences. A couple can hope to help their child succeed if they do not agree in how to discipline, reward, and punish their children. Everything in parenting needs to be in sync, so one parent is not looked as the fun parent and one is looked as the mean one. Parenting is essential to the well-being of the child, but both parents need to work together.
Importance of Fathers
Fathers are an important part of many of our lives. Fathers are the ones who teach us how to play ball, gain confidence, do well in school, and how to be self sufficient. Mothers primary roles are to nurture and support their kids, where fathers roles are to provide and protect their kids during their lives. My life would be totally different if I did not have a father who taught me how to become a man, and how to make good decisions that will benefit me in my life.
Research shows that children tend to have a better quality of life when their father is involved in their lives. There is less misuse of substances, less physical and verbal abuse, and there is less teen pregnancies when teens have an active relationship with their father. Kids who have good relationships with their fathers tend to receive better grades, become more involved in school and the community, and set more long term goals that they will most likely accomplish.
Kids who do not have a good relationship tend to struggle more with depression, anxiety, and self image. Fathers are important to kids learning how to become responsible adults, but also how to feel good about themselves a teach them important life lessons.
Research shows that children tend to have a better quality of life when their father is involved in their lives. There is less misuse of substances, less physical and verbal abuse, and there is less teen pregnancies when teens have an active relationship with their father. Kids who have good relationships with their fathers tend to receive better grades, become more involved in school and the community, and set more long term goals that they will most likely accomplish.
Kids who do not have a good relationship tend to struggle more with depression, anxiety, and self image. Fathers are important to kids learning how to become responsible adults, but also how to feel good about themselves a teach them important life lessons.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Communication is Key
Everyone has heard that in order for a relationship to be successful, the couple or family needs to communicate. If we do not communicate, then we can not hope to understand what each other's feelings are. One thing that I learned in class is that woman and men communicate very differently.
Men like verbal communication where woman say exactly what they mean. Women, however, like to guess and try and read body language and other ques. The key to communications is to understand body language and verbal ques, as well as telling your spouse or children what is wrong. You have to find a balance as well as understanding how the other person communicates their feelings.
Men like verbal communication where woman say exactly what they mean. Women, however, like to guess and try and read body language and other ques. The key to communications is to understand body language and verbal ques, as well as telling your spouse or children what is wrong. You have to find a balance as well as understanding how the other person communicates their feelings.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Crisis
cri·sis
ˈkrīsis/
noun
- a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger."the current economic crisis"
synonyms: emergency, disaster, catastrophe, calamity; More - a time when a difficult or important decision must be made."a crisis point of history"
synonyms: critical point, turning point, crossroads, watershed, head, moment of truth, zero hour, point of no return, Rubicon, doomsday; More - the turning point of a disease when an important change takes place, indicating either recovery or death.
Learning how to deal with crisis while in a family is very critical. There are so many times that with our spouses, or children, or extended family that we will need to rely upon the support one another. It is also important to learn certain boundaries between each other because one can not cope, or learn, or solve the problem if we are in their faces, or if we are not present. So it is important that we maintain a balance of helpfulness and a sense of individuality. Crisis will always come up, some bigger than others, and some scary or some that are just a little stressful, but it is important that we learn from these experiences, and try to prepare for the the unexpected, and deal with situations as they come up.
Let's Talk About Sex
Sex is one of the most common, most controversial in today's world. People in today's world either think sex is no big deal and is just some causal fun, or sex is to be waited until marriage and rarely discussed. I do believe sexual intimacy is a sacred, private topic, but at the same time so many LDS church members are unable to talk about it in a mature, adult manner because they find it awkward. Or on the other hand most people have no boundaries and share way to much personal details they shouldn't.
But what is the correct balance?
I think sex is something we need to teach younger members of the church is not something ti be embarrassed or ashamed about, but also is a personal,and sacred aspect of our life. I think it is important to teach preteens and teenagers the aspects of sex, but not in a raunchy or disrespectful way. But I think it is important to actually talk to our children about the subject and our views about it no matter how awkward it is, before they hear everything about sex from their friends, so they know how to handle certain situations regarding the subject. So pretty much all I'm saying is we need to be informative, but also treat the subject with respect.
But what is the correct balance?
I think sex is something we need to teach younger members of the church is not something ti be embarrassed or ashamed about, but also is a personal,and sacred aspect of our life. I think it is important to teach preteens and teenagers the aspects of sex, but not in a raunchy or disrespectful way. But I think it is important to actually talk to our children about the subject and our views about it no matter how awkward it is, before they hear everything about sex from their friends, so they know how to handle certain situations regarding the subject. So pretty much all I'm saying is we need to be informative, but also treat the subject with respect.
What Happens After Marriage?
I think for many of us marriage either seems like a scary unknown concept or it is something we fantasize about, but we really have no idea how marriage. After we are dating someone, we get caught up with the physicality or the fun times we have in our relationship, but we do not necessarily understand that we will have to accommodate our life style to fit in with our spouse's previous life as well.
When people are first married, I have heard that's when most couples have the most fights, because they are getting used to actually living together, and they are not used to making decisions together. Things like money, sleeping arrangements, cleanliness, and many habits that each other have make it hard to get used too. However, I think most people are able to work out their differences and focus on the things that really matter.
I think most interesting thing I heard on the topic of marriage is that the more differences you have in life style, the more likely the marriage wont work out. So things like religion, culture, family structure, and socioeconomic status (just to name a few), are harder things to learn to except and adapt, so it is more likely the marriage will last if both spouses are similar in each of the big areas of lifestyle.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Dating
In the society we live in today dating is pretty scarce. We do not want to commit ourselves to something that will not workout or put us in awkward situations. So when we like someone we do not ask them out on dates, we ask them to hang out, because it helps us avoid seeming like we like that person, until we know that they like us back.
However, we should not have this mindset. Dating isn't about being in a relationship. Dating is used to get to know someone better, and see if we can develop stronger feelings for that individual that we didn't know we had. After we go on dates with someone, or a few people, we can start to identify the characteristics we like in a boyfriend/girlfriend, and eventually a spouse.
After, we date and find those characteristics in an individual, and decide that we want more, we move into courtship. When we are courting we are in a more serious relationship, where we are only dating each other because we think that this relationship could be a lasting one. After learning about this, it makes me reevaluate how I date and go about relationships. We need to have more than just a physical attraction to move into courtship, and need to know the person has the same feelings about us, and they have certain qualities they like about us.
The final thing on dating, one time I was listening to an interview with a marriage therapist and her thoughts on dating and relationships, and how to gauge if the relationship will last or be successful. The lady was talking about how someone should date a multiple people in the first few months of seeing someone, that way they can see if there is another option that would suite the individual better. Then after the few months, become serious and only date each other, and make sure you still feel the same way about each other when only dating the one person. And the most profound thing I heard was that couples should be engaged between one year and a year and a half of dating. If you are able to stay together that long it should workout and be successful, but if you wait longer than that time frame, it shows that the person you are dating is afraid of commitment and it will most likely will not work out. So in essence timing is key, and getting to know someone is the most important part of dating.
However, we should not have this mindset. Dating isn't about being in a relationship. Dating is used to get to know someone better, and see if we can develop stronger feelings for that individual that we didn't know we had. After we go on dates with someone, or a few people, we can start to identify the characteristics we like in a boyfriend/girlfriend, and eventually a spouse.
After, we date and find those characteristics in an individual, and decide that we want more, we move into courtship. When we are courting we are in a more serious relationship, where we are only dating each other because we think that this relationship could be a lasting one. After learning about this, it makes me reevaluate how I date and go about relationships. We need to have more than just a physical attraction to move into courtship, and need to know the person has the same feelings about us, and they have certain qualities they like about us.
The final thing on dating, one time I was listening to an interview with a marriage therapist and her thoughts on dating and relationships, and how to gauge if the relationship will last or be successful. The lady was talking about how someone should date a multiple people in the first few months of seeing someone, that way they can see if there is another option that would suite the individual better. Then after the few months, become serious and only date each other, and make sure you still feel the same way about each other when only dating the one person. And the most profound thing I heard was that couples should be engaged between one year and a year and a half of dating. If you are able to stay together that long it should workout and be successful, but if you wait longer than that time frame, it shows that the person you are dating is afraid of commitment and it will most likely will not work out. So in essence timing is key, and getting to know someone is the most important part of dating.
Friday, October 23, 2015
Same Gender Attraction
Same gender attraction is such a sensitive and controversial topic in today's world. Many are torn between religion, ethics, personal choice and genetics. But how do we know what is acceptable and what is not? In the LDS church we know marriage is between a man and a woman, and we need to need to preserve the traditional marriage and family. But I think this such a complex topic that we can not leave the topic that basic.
Many people argue whether being gay is genetic, or if it outside factors that causes same gender attraction. But in my opinion it doesn't really matter. Yes, we are taught that homosexual feelings should not be acted upon, but I also think God would not want any of His children to be unhappy or in so much pain from the feelings they have. I have from leaders in the church, that before some spirits came to Earth, they knew one of their trials would be having same gender attraction. So whether its personal choice, genetics, or outside factors, that cause these feelings, I think that we were born that way for a reason. And I do admire the people that can remain celibate and following the standards of the church, because their faith is so strong, but I also think it is a harder feeling than many of us do not understand, so we can not judge or blame someone for acting upon their feelings.
Many people argue whether being gay is genetic, or if it outside factors that causes same gender attraction. But in my opinion it doesn't really matter. Yes, we are taught that homosexual feelings should not be acted upon, but I also think God would not want any of His children to be unhappy or in so much pain from the feelings they have. I have from leaders in the church, that before some spirits came to Earth, they knew one of their trials would be having same gender attraction. So whether its personal choice, genetics, or outside factors, that cause these feelings, I think that we were born that way for a reason. And I do admire the people that can remain celibate and following the standards of the church, because their faith is so strong, but I also think it is a harder feeling than many of us do not understand, so we can not judge or blame someone for acting upon their feelings.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
The Culture Around Us
Culture influences many of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The world in which we live in has many different cultures, some that are accepted, and some that are not. But is it our place to say our culture, in the United States, is better than other cultures around the world? Or even with our culture of being apart of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we have the tendency to think that our culture is better than other cultures. Is this the right thing to do?
In my opinion it is a 50/50 dilemma. On one hand yes, our culture in the United States is better than many others because of the freedom and privileges w have. Or even as a church, we know the Lord's plan, and we know the truth behind the gospel of Jesus Christ. However, I do not think it is right for us to say that we are better as a society, because every society has its problems, and everyone is also a children of God. So we need to focus on ourselves, and keeping the Lord commandments, and not letting the world's culture into our lives.
The world is full of so many negative things, and things that are supposed to be glamorous, or fun. But we need to be firm in out beliefs to keep the standards of our faith. So many people think marriage is unnecessary, or think families are not essential in this life, because of the things that have happened in their lives. The world wants us to believe we are better on our own, and we do not need the basic things, like a family, that our world has focused upon for so long. It is our job to maintain the culture of our church, and represent God the best we can, to show what a powerful thing families and following the Gospel of Jesus Christ can do for one another, and our societies.
In my opinion it is a 50/50 dilemma. On one hand yes, our culture in the United States is better than many others because of the freedom and privileges w have. Or even as a church, we know the Lord's plan, and we know the truth behind the gospel of Jesus Christ. However, I do not think it is right for us to say that we are better as a society, because every society has its problems, and everyone is also a children of God. So we need to focus on ourselves, and keeping the Lord commandments, and not letting the world's culture into our lives.
The world is full of so many negative things, and things that are supposed to be glamorous, or fun. But we need to be firm in out beliefs to keep the standards of our faith. So many people think marriage is unnecessary, or think families are not essential in this life, because of the things that have happened in their lives. The world wants us to believe we are better on our own, and we do not need the basic things, like a family, that our world has focused upon for so long. It is our job to maintain the culture of our church, and represent God the best we can, to show what a powerful thing families and following the Gospel of Jesus Christ can do for one another, and our societies.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Where Do I Fit In?
Family dynamics are really weird if you think about it. How come kids who are raised by the same parents and have a similar life style, often have so many different personalities and traits? Or why do people say birth order always affects someone's life?
This week in class we talked about how everyone in a family plays a certain role. Are you the trouble maker? The 2nd mom? The peacemaker? Whatever your role is, it has an affect on the rest of the family. It was somewhat hard to see what the roles my family played because we are all adults and more or less living our own lives. We all have very different lifestyles out of my four siblings and I, but I could not really peace together who has what role. But when families are living together under one roof, it is probably easier to see what roles kids will play.
In a few of my other classes I have taken besides family relations have talked about family dynamics and roles as well. Research has shown that oldest children are more likely to be very driven, and career oriented. Middle children are supposed to be the most social and out going. And youngest children are mostly to rebel. So when I thought of this I was wondering, do these statistics change when you don't have three kids? And what are the factors that play into studies like this?
In my opinion I think it is important to recognize your role, and your family member's roles in the family unit because then you can become closer. I think a lot of times people focus on themselves and what they want to be in the family, instead of understanding how to use their talents to better the family as a whole.
This week in class we talked about how everyone in a family plays a certain role. Are you the trouble maker? The 2nd mom? The peacemaker? Whatever your role is, it has an affect on the rest of the family. It was somewhat hard to see what the roles my family played because we are all adults and more or less living our own lives. We all have very different lifestyles out of my four siblings and I, but I could not really peace together who has what role. But when families are living together under one roof, it is probably easier to see what roles kids will play.
In a few of my other classes I have taken besides family relations have talked about family dynamics and roles as well. Research has shown that oldest children are more likely to be very driven, and career oriented. Middle children are supposed to be the most social and out going. And youngest children are mostly to rebel. So when I thought of this I was wondering, do these statistics change when you don't have three kids? And what are the factors that play into studies like this?
In my opinion I think it is important to recognize your role, and your family member's roles in the family unit because then you can become closer. I think a lot of times people focus on themselves and what they want to be in the family, instead of understanding how to use their talents to better the family as a whole.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Does It Really Matter?
Does it really matter when we get married? Does it really matter if I don't have kids? Does it really matter if same-sex marriage is legalized? Does anything really matter?
In today's society everything seems so black and white. We need to fit in certain categories to be good people, or we need to make a certain amount of money to be successful. If we get married young it's like we are throwing our lives away, but if we get married when we are older we seem selfish and prideful. But why is does it have to be this way?
In the LDS community we are know that one of the commandments is to multiply and replenish the Earth. Many people have different opinions of what this means. Some think we need to have as many children as possible, and bring as many spirits of God to Earth. But others think it is up to your spouse and yourself to decide if you want 1 or 12 kids. But in reality we need to decide with our spouses and the Lord, how many kids our family needs. It is nor right to say that we need to have as many kids as possible because we need make sure we can love, and support each kid, but also fulfill our other responsibilities. It does matter how many kids we have, but it is all a personal decision.
Why do so many people feel pressure to get married, and why do so many avoid marriage all together? In my opinion, I believe that in the United States, everyone has preconceived notions of what will bring us happiness. Some think it is children and a family, some think it is having the latest new trends, and some think it is experiencing the world. But why cant we have all of these things? So many people think if they get married young they will not have be able to have the same enjoyment or satisfaction as being single. But also so many people that the only way they can be happy is if they get married and have kids, but do not understand that being married is not as easy as it seems. I think it is all a very personal thing, but we need to realize the blessings we can have from the different scenarios we can have in our life. Not everything needs to be planned out, we need to live our life and be open to blessings the Lord has in store us.
How many kids we have, when we get married, and controversial topics like same-sex marriage all matter, but we do not have to fit into society's reason why they matter. We need to decide why these topics matter too us, and do our best to live righteously while contemplating these important issues.
In today's society everything seems so black and white. We need to fit in certain categories to be good people, or we need to make a certain amount of money to be successful. If we get married young it's like we are throwing our lives away, but if we get married when we are older we seem selfish and prideful. But why is does it have to be this way?
In the LDS community we are know that one of the commandments is to multiply and replenish the Earth. Many people have different opinions of what this means. Some think we need to have as many children as possible, and bring as many spirits of God to Earth. But others think it is up to your spouse and yourself to decide if you want 1 or 12 kids. But in reality we need to decide with our spouses and the Lord, how many kids our family needs. It is nor right to say that we need to have as many kids as possible because we need make sure we can love, and support each kid, but also fulfill our other responsibilities. It does matter how many kids we have, but it is all a personal decision.
Why do so many people feel pressure to get married, and why do so many avoid marriage all together? In my opinion, I believe that in the United States, everyone has preconceived notions of what will bring us happiness. Some think it is children and a family, some think it is having the latest new trends, and some think it is experiencing the world. But why cant we have all of these things? So many people think if they get married young they will not have be able to have the same enjoyment or satisfaction as being single. But also so many people that the only way they can be happy is if they get married and have kids, but do not understand that being married is not as easy as it seems. I think it is all a very personal thing, but we need to realize the blessings we can have from the different scenarios we can have in our life. Not everything needs to be planned out, we need to live our life and be open to blessings the Lord has in store us.
How many kids we have, when we get married, and controversial topics like same-sex marriage all matter, but we do not have to fit into society's reason why they matter. We need to decide why these topics matter too us, and do our best to live righteously while contemplating these important issues.
Monday, September 21, 2015
The Family
The family is such a basic structure of life, that often times we under estimate the power of the family in our lives. The meaning of family is personal to each individual, yet everyone is entitled to their own support system, and in many ways these "family" structures have many similar qualities, that bring each one of us happiness.
I will be sharing my thoughts and perspectives of topics covered in my Family Relations class, at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I am confident many people have had similar questions, concerns, and ideas about the family, and hope that I can share some of my thoughts regarding these areas of the family.
I will be sharing my thoughts and perspectives of topics covered in my Family Relations class, at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I am confident many people have had similar questions, concerns, and ideas about the family, and hope that I can share some of my thoughts regarding these areas of the family.
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